We need to rekindle our bromance
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
