You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize