Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
