So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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