he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
