I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
