mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think I sprained my soul last night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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