Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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