i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
