there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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