Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize