I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
