Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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