You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
