I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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