i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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