We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
