it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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