yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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