I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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