farters have to be the big spoon...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
