we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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