you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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