A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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