His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
