dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
