I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
