i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
