i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
love makes seman taste better
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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