Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
