this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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