Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
