Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize