i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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