she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
