half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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