we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
