You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
