dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
