My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
