Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm like, not good at living.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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