It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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