One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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