I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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