im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
