Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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