i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
