There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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