Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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