I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
