This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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