Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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