remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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