i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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