Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dear god my vagina.
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