We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
