hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
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My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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