Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
